So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
