i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
