Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
