hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
