Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
