i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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