What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
People in love make me want to vomit
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
