god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
