there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
