I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Threesome in a minivan. New low
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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