I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize