Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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