I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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