Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
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He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
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I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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