Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
