So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
