I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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