but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
