i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
do herpes really smell.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
