Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
