someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
