I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
