nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
