I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
