Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
