so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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