I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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