i just wanna soil my oats bro
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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