I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
BRING THE BAGELS
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
