Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
