Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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