...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
