I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
