There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
