I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
