You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
