i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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