So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
