Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
