hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
