I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
