I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
