wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
