You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
