No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
