Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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