The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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