I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
