Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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