toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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