i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
