When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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