the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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