Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
