Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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