You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
