So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
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Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
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Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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