i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
