two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
