Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
