i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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