So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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