Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
