I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Green mimosas i think yes
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
