There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
