let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
