Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
